Tuesday, August 26, 2008

life is so sweet.

So the white cat disappeared. I can only assume that he got tired of my antics and moved on. It was weird for the first few days - felt strange to not be constantly fighting for food/best sitting spot/etc. But I'm over it.

Now, well things are just awesome. The whole house is truly mine and awesomest of all, there is this whole room in the back of the house that the human and back-up human have tidied up for me. It's sunny and wonderful and has my favourite chair and everything. Seriously, life is so wicked.

What I don't understand though is why the human and back-up human have moved all of the furniture out of this other room - it used to be the place where the human screamed at the shiny box and made incredible clattering noises all night long. The room used to be covered in paper and this shiny little clippy things that were awesome to play with. Now there is nothing. I sense something is about to happen that I'm not going to like but I have so not got the time to think about such things. There's relaxing and bird watching to be done!


Sunday, November 11, 2007

he's back. i think.

there is another cat in the house. he LOOKS like the fat, white cat except he's not fat and he smells awful. i mean really, really awful. like dog. like dog mixed with more dog. and now this skinny, stinky, sort of white cat has gone and gotten his dog smell all over everything.

this is infuriating. no one consults with me. it's almost as if they have completely forgotten that i own the house. i'm constantly having to remind them by wandering around re-claiming everything. this is getting tiresome. humans have no memory and the attention span of...OHMIGOD was that a bird? it was wasn't it? ohboyohboyohboyohboy i'm going to sit in the window and watch birds!!


Friday, November 9, 2007

the white cat disappeared

the white cat is gone. seriously. i don't understand it. one minute, he's being annoyingly dull and refusing to respond to my baiting and the next minute he's throwing up and before you know it, he's in a carrier and gone.

the funny thing is, i always assumed that this would make me happier. i have the undivided affections of two, that's right TWO humans. AND all the food. AND no stinky boy smell in the litter box. AND the best sitting spot from which to watch birds.

and yet, i feel a sense of...something. for one thing, it's friggin' lonely as ass here all day. so much so that i'm actually excited to see the humans when they come home, an excitement which results in them getting a far too high opinion of themselves. also, there isn't more food. they just put down half of what they used to. and there's no fight for it...that's kind of dull. and there's no more stray tuna bits because they only feed the white cat tuna.

so i'm at a loss. do i *shudder* miss the white cat? that's pushing it. but i miss something. not him. but something.


Friday, September 21, 2007

throwing up and other fun

new things keep popping up all over my world.

the other day, for example, i casually strolled into one of my rooms and found, to my surprise, that a huge pile of boxes had just appeared there. i certainly didn't put them there, so i can only assume that one of the humans did. they smelled interesting and they were edible. but that's not the point. shouldn't i be consulted before things are just...just...put in my places!? sigh.

in other news, the white cat has finally, FINALLY proven himself to be somewhat useful. i have this delicate digestive system see, and it means that when i eat small bugs, or the humans' plants, or bits of food carelessly left on the ground, or cat food, or pretty much anything except for yogurt, that i sometimes have to resort to reverse peristalsis. it's an uncomfortable fact of my adorable little life. but the white cat, for all his lameness, does do one cool thing: he eats the regurgitated mess. this means that a) i don't have to waste my time trying to bury it with the unforgiving hardwood floor, and b) the humans don't ever see the mess so i don't get banned from more food. i may, MAY just have to halt my plans to have him removed.


Saturday, May 5, 2007

reasons why i dislike the fatso white cat

Since moving to Ottawa, a traumatic experience that I would rather not get into, I have been "rooming" with what can only be described as an obscenely obese, white, male cat. I tolerate his presence only because he a) lets me eat first (not that he had much choice here), and b) gets me food faster through his incessant meowing.

But I really don't like him. And here's why:

1) He is allowed in the Humans' room.
2) He is a show-off, constantly opening cupboards, which he knows I can't do, and hiding in them all smug-like.
3) He sleeps too much. And he snores.
4) He's ridiculously noisy on the rare occasions when he's awake.
5) His pee smells.
6) He can eat tuna without vomiting.

I can't, however, get rid of him. To begin with, he's twice my size. Granted, this has not stopped me from attacking him on a daily basis, but actually doing away with him would, I feel, be much more difficult. Further, the Humans', for reasons unknown to me, LOVE him. I dare say almost as much as me.

Life is unfair.


Friday, May 4, 2007

life on the outside

I have officially been banned from the Human and the Back-up Human's room. I am not sure why. It's almost as if they don't like when I pee on the bed. I would go so far as to say that they detest it. I know-I'm just as baffled as you are. And, to add insult to injury, the fatso white cat IS allowed in the room.

So, in retaliation, I am going to stop using the litter box altogether. Seems only fair.


Thursday, July 13, 2006


The human just took me to the box. The box is on the other side of the glass forcefield which separates me and sexy cat. Unfortunately, sexy cat was not around. I did however manage to eat a small fly.

These trips have become regular events. I have decided to use this to my advantage and plot my escape. Well not escape so much as sex holiday. I think it's high time that sexy cat and I met. He seems disinterested but I think that's only because of the glass forcefield. Once I turn on the charm o' Zoe, all will be well.