reasons why i dislike the fatso white cat

Since moving to Ottawa, a traumatic experience that I would rather not get into, I have been "rooming" with what can only be described as an obscenely obese, white, male cat. I tolerate his presence only because he a) lets me eat first (not that he had much choice here), and b) gets me food faster through his incessant meowing.

But I really don't like him. And here's why:

1) He is allowed in the Humans' room.
2) He is a show-off, constantly opening cupboards, which he knows I can't do, and hiding in them all smug-like.
3) He sleeps too much. And he snores.
4) He's ridiculously noisy on the rare occasions when he's awake.
5) His pee smells.
6) He can eat tuna without vomiting.

I can't, however, get rid of him. To begin with, he's twice my size. Granted, this has not stopped me from attacking him on a daily basis, but actually doing away with him would, I feel, be much more difficult. Further, the Humans', for reasons unknown to me, LOVE him. I dare say almost as much as me.

Life is unfair.

-zoe