Tuesday, August 26, 2008
life is so sweet.
Now, well things are just awesome. The whole house is truly mine and awesomest of all, there is this whole room in the back of the house that the human and back-up human have tidied up for me. It's sunny and wonderful and has my favourite chair and everything. Seriously, life is so wicked.
What I don't understand though is why the human and back-up human have moved all of the furniture out of this other room - it used to be the place where the human screamed at the shiny box and made incredible clattering noises all night long. The room used to be covered in paper and this shiny little clippy things that were awesome to play with. Now there is nothing. I sense something is about to happen that I'm not going to like but I have so not got the time to think about such things. There's relaxing and bird watching to be done!
zoe
Sunday, November 11, 2007
he's back. i think.
this is infuriating. no one consults with me. it's almost as if they have completely forgotten that i own the house. i'm constantly having to remind them by wandering around re-claiming everything. this is getting tiresome. humans have no memory and the attention span of...OHMIGOD was that a bird? it was wasn't it? ohboyohboyohboyohboy i'm going to sit in the window and watch birds!!
-zoe
Friday, November 9, 2007
the white cat disappeared
the funny thing is, i always assumed that this would make me happier. i have the undivided affections of two, that's right TWO humans. AND all the food. AND no stinky boy smell in the litter box. AND the best sitting spot from which to watch birds.
and yet, i feel a sense of...something. for one thing, it's friggin' lonely as ass here all day. so much so that i'm actually excited to see the humans when they come home, an excitement which results in them getting a far too high opinion of themselves. also, there isn't more food. they just put down half of what they used to. and there's no fight for it...that's kind of dull. and there's no more stray tuna bits because they only feed the white cat tuna.
so i'm at a loss. do i *shudder* miss the white cat? that's pushing it. but i miss something. not him. but something.
-zoe
Friday, September 21, 2007
throwing up and other fun
the other day, for example, i casually strolled into one of my rooms and found, to my surprise, that a huge pile of boxes had just appeared there. i certainly didn't put them there, so i can only assume that one of the humans did. they smelled interesting and they were edible. but that's not the point. shouldn't i be consulted before things are just...just...put in my places!? sigh.
in other news, the white cat has finally, FINALLY proven himself to be somewhat useful. i have this delicate digestive system see, and it means that when i eat small bugs, or the humans' plants, or bits of food carelessly left on the ground, or cat food, or pretty much anything except for yogurt, that i sometimes have to resort to reverse peristalsis. it's an uncomfortable fact of my adorable little life. but the white cat, for all his lameness, does do one cool thing: he eats the regurgitated mess. this means that a) i don't have to waste my time trying to bury it with the unforgiving hardwood floor, and b) the humans don't ever see the mess so i don't get banned from more food. i may, MAY just have to halt my plans to have him removed.
-zoe
Saturday, May 5, 2007
reasons why i dislike the fatso white cat
But I really don't like him. And here's why:
1) He is allowed in the Humans' room.
2) He is a show-off, constantly opening cupboards, which he knows I can't do, and hiding in them all smug-like.
3) He sleeps too much. And he snores.
4) He's ridiculously noisy on the rare occasions when he's awake.
5) His pee smells.
6) He can eat tuna without vomiting.
I can't, however, get rid of him. To begin with, he's twice my size. Granted, this has not stopped me from attacking him on a daily basis, but actually doing away with him would, I feel, be much more difficult. Further, the Humans', for reasons unknown to me, LOVE him. I dare say almost as much as me.
Life is unfair.
-zoe
Friday, May 4, 2007
life on the outside
I have officially been banned from the Human and the Back-up Human's room. I am not sure why. It's almost as if they don't like when I pee on the bed. I would go so far as to say that they detest it. I know-I'm just as baffled as you are. And, to add insult to injury, the fatso white cat IS allowed in the room.
So, in retaliation, I am going to stop using the litter box altogether. Seems only fair.
-zoe
Thursday, July 13, 2006
plot
The human just took me to the box. The box is on the other side of the glass forcefield which separates me and sexy cat. Unfortunately, sexy cat was not around. I did however manage to eat a small fly.
These trips have become regular events. I have decided to use this to my advantage and plot my escape. Well not escape so much as sex holiday. I think it's high time that sexy cat and I met. He seems disinterested but I think that's only because of the glass forcefield. Once I turn on the charm o' Zoe, all will be well.
zoe